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There are problems when you care what other people think of you. And the thing is, we all care -- at least a little bit, at least at some point in our lives. It's natural. We want other people to like us. This is biological. If people like you, they are more likely to protect you when a panther attacks or make sure you have food when it runs low. Caring about what others think of you literally may have kept you alive, historically. But in our modern-day, there are major problems with caring about what others think of you or of what you do.
When you care about what others think of you or what you do, you allow your own state -- your own self-esteem, your own self-worth, your own perception of self -- to be altered by the thoughts of others. This, in turn, may change your actions and who you are or at least who you portend to be.
So, for example, yesterday there was a flare-up on Facebook because I shared the article, "Parents of the Mentally Ill Get Blamed for Mental Illness." People had a fit. While some people agreed that it was unfair to blame parents, others claimed that their mental illness was caused by abusive or another type of bad parenting. In fact, one person even unfriended me, accusing me of not listening to peoples' experiences.
Now, the truth of the matter is quite simple: we know that negative life experiences alone do not cause mental illness. Period. Mental illness is far more complicated than that. It is known as a bio-psycho-social issue, as in, there are biological, psychological and environmental issues that contribute to the presence of a mental illness. (See here for more on "Are People Born with Bipolar Disorder"). This doesn't change the fact that a horrible upbringing can do horrible things to you, it just means that factor alone cannot cause a mental illness.
The thing is if I cared about the person who unfriended me or the others on the thread who disagreed vehemently with me and how they thoughts of me, I would be giving them power over me. I would be giving them the power to affect how I feel about myself and, ultimately, even power over how I act. So while I know some people disagree with me and even try to hurt me because of it, I don't care about what those people think of me. I just don't.
And that's because I don't give people power over me and I certainly don't give critics power over me. I don't allow how others feel about me to affect how I feel about me. That is my power, and you can't steal it.
And keep in mind, lots of people hate both me and what I do, so I have a lot of experience in this realm. Many people crumble under the kind of attacks I get. But you don't need to. You just need to remember the Alcoholics Anonymous saying, "How other people think of me is none of my business."
Because you are much bigger than the opinions of others. You are much bigger than your critics' positions. You and much bigger than those who would try to hurt you because of what you do. By caring about what other people think of you, you lessen yourself. You make yourself smaller. Don't do that. Know that it's what you think of you that matters. If you have truly pondered that and if you're truly okay with that, then nothing anyone can say should be able to touch that.
So the problem with caring about what other people think of you or what you do is that it gives away your power. And you need all the power you can get to fight off the big bads like bipolar disorder. Angry commenters don't compare to that.
Banner image by Flickr user hobvias sudoneighm.
Image by Flickr user Ross Pollock.
Natasha Tracy is an award-winning writer, speaker, advocate, and consultant from the Pacific Northwest. She has been living with bipolar disorder for 26 years and has written more than 2000 articles on the subject.
Find more of Natasha’s work in her acclaimed book: "Lost Marbles: Insights into My Life with Depression & Bipolar" on Amazon.
Connect with Natasha at the social media links below.
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My wife always reminds me that people think and care more about themselves than they do about you. She’s right. Most people spend far more time thinking about themselves and about their own image, their own problems and about what other people think about them :).
I agree completely with this sentiment. I also find my ability to not care what others think of me wains when I’m in a depressed state. When manic I don’t bother listening at all to other opinions because I AM THE KING OF THE WORLD.
Also, re the comments about whether someone else is or isn’t bipolar is disingenuous at best – even if you think they are sociopathic – especially in response to an article about how other’s opinions about you shouldn’t matter to you.
I completely agree with you on this subject. And, your position on parents and mentally ill children. I know I was born bi polar. That’s just the way it is. I certainly never blamed my parents, both lovely people. I started taking responsibility for myself at age 11, and I’ve never looked back. I have enough to do dealing with bi polar, OCD and anxiety disorder without sitting around feeling sorry for myself, or letting other people’s opinion of me rock my world.
I look forward to every article you write-thank you for making me think!
Clearly Donald Trump is at the very least bipolar. He could care less what others think of him.
on the side issue ‘is donald trump bipolar?’ in my life i have had many psych hospitalizations, and as such i’ve come to know many many mentally ill people. and so i must say this.
i served with the insane, i knew the insane, the insane were friends of mine. trump, you are no kind of insane i’ve ever met.”
as they say, never confuse traumatic brain injury with stupid, nor evil with insane.