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I used to be a person who was very mad about psychiatry and psychiatric medication (psych meds). I had that vehement anger we often hear from antipsychiatrists although I was not antipsychatiry, per se. My biggest fantasy, at the time, was to take the horrible medications I was prescribed and shove them down the throat of the prescribing doctor. If only they had to take the medications, they would be more empathetic, more compassionate, more human. But I learned that being mad about psychiatric medication and psychiatry is a losing game and it really got me nowhere.
I do think it’s normal to be mad about bipolar disorder and I do think it’s mad to go through a stage of anger about everything that bipolar disorder forces you to go through. And I do think it’s normal to want to take that anger out on the people you deal with in that realm: psychiatrists. And, considering the side effect profile of many psychiatric medications, I do think it’s normal to be mad about that, too. Anger is a natural reaction when we’re put in such an unfortunate situation. And why not be mad at psychiatry? It feels like psychiatry is doing something horrible to us.
But while I think this is a normal phase in acceptance of bipolar disorder and of a life with bipolar disorder, I really feel, that in the end, being mad at psychiatry is pointless. It’s like being mad at cardiology because you have a heart condition. Cardiology didn’t do anything to your heart, it was just the unfortunate specialty that got to diagnose your heart problem. It was just the unfortunate specialty you will have to deal with regarding that problem. It was just the unfortunate specialty that then is responsible for keeping you alive and well. (And I hear that heart medications are no carnival ride, either.)
So what do you really get from being mad at psychiatry? What are you really gaining from that raging anger? I would argue, you’re gaining nothing. You’re just holding onto a fireball and you’re the one getting burned.
Like I said, I went through this phase myself and, if I remember correctly, this phase lasted a long time – years. This wasn’t something that I easily moved through. But, now, I find myself not angry like that at all. I’m angry at the bipolar – it’s unfair and cruel – but I’m not angry at psychiatry at people there are actually the ones trying to help and I’m no longer mad about psychiatric medications as they are the tools with which they try to help.
I think I’ve come to understand how limited psychiatry is – through no fault of its own. I’ve come to understand how complicated the brain is and how little we understand it. I’ve come of realize that while many of the medications we take for bipolar disorder and other mental illness are horrible, they are the best we have. Yes, I know it feel like we’re trying to kill a fly by smashing at it with a two-by-four and really often just smashing our head in the process, but what else is there to do? Our best is sucky, I get it, but it’s our best. Psychiatry and psychiatric medication is what we have to work with. Period. And being angry at this very real reality just hurts us and hinders our ability to deal with the mental illness.
Because if you’re walking around pissed off all the time, if you’re walking around wanting to shove your medications down other peoples’ throats, if you’re walking around with that fireball just waiting for someone to throw it at, you’re not focused on making things better – you are not focused on the loving people around you, or using your coping skills, or trying to do what you can to improve your situation.
So while I do believe this anger at psychiatry is normal, it’s also destructive. It hurts us, it hurts our critical relationship with our healthcare provider(s) and it hurts those around us. So the next time you find yourself wanting to defenestrate your psychiatrist, ask yourself what you’re gaining by holding onto that anger; and ask yourself who you’re hurting by doing it. If you’re honest, you’ll see that you’re hurting yourself.
Natasha Tracy is an award-winning writer, speaker, advocate, and consultant from the Pacific Northwest. She has been living with bipolar disorder for 26 years and has written more than 2000 articles on the subject.
Find more of Natasha’s work in her acclaimed book: "Lost Marbles: Insights into My Life with Depression & Bipolar" on Amazon.
Connect with Natasha at the social media links below.
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This is a great article because it’s true – the frustration and anger one feels about BD can easily be transferred to the psychiatric interventions we have on offer to us. But they are on offer and without them, I know that my own life would not be as productive and functional. As a psychotherapist myself, I work closely with my bipolar clients’ psychiatrists to make sure that all help given is CONSISTENT – communication is the way forward to avoid resentment and resistance. Thank you for the article
I think,for me a better word is impatience.
I get so sick & tired of feeling like crap waiting till the meds until meds work I literally see no point in this.
I don’t know if others feel similar,or if it’s due to RCBP or the fact that part of my characteristic is impatience …..
In the family as well…..the drug I’d thought was working proving just wasn’t …..made me more depressed plus fall is my very very worst time…..my sister just critized me severely cut like a knife …..so sweetly….its ironically….ppl
Simply think we have no hearts or something I felt like crying,but my shoulder is killing me in pain as well so…..
What do you do,I’ve written her numerous letters,done no good what so ever,I’m THE BAD ONE THE SCAPEGOAT
I’m very depressed there’s nowhere to run…………even my beloved younger bro is moving further away.
Plus fall is when I lost both my mum & my dearest father…..I hate my life yes I’m in treatment….blah.
WOW Hind sight Takes me back to baltimore VA after 10 years i was mad and told my doctor i would like to shove every one of those pills up his ass hole he said i was fixated on assholes. I i did not read it but the article said something about suicide guys complete about 6 more and women attept??? 6 times more than men if you want to go and meet your maker put away the pills fingernail file razor ect.Once i was going to hang myself its something usally one doesnt say i tried to hang myself second i was going to cut vacum hose from carwash run back in my convertable sports car probly forget to put the top up. My last close call was to blow my brains w shot gun,gave the gun to the man who helped me get sober. have a friend and alcoholicmessed it up blew the front of his face out then in hospitial was putting beer in the tracea feeder.Jumping in front of a 80 mile an hr transit would probly do it i really think not of how they took theit lives but the PAIN THE THE MOST PAINFUL AT MY AGE AND LARGE GRADUATING CLASS SEEMS NONE EXEBITED MENTAL ILLNESS THEY SUFFERD HORRIBLY AND KEPT IT INSIDE I BELIEVE THE DEVIL IS A FRACTION OF THE MOTAVATOR I Do not believe in owning gun I single parent a 9 year old thriving well adjusted It has been 20 yearsand yes i suffer depresion but not suicidal 20 yr.soberiety date 6/21/1990 Thank God VA study said bi polar higher risk than Ptsd
Call it even.
I’ve definitely encountered professionals in the mental health field who treated me with disrespect, like I was 4 instead of 24, simply because I have a mental illness. I’m fortunate now to have a wonderful psychiatrist, but there is no doubt in my mind that discrimination against the mentally ill sadly has infiltrated the field, which is devastating. I am angry at those who do discriminate against the mentally ill. It’s simply atrocious and unacceptable. No one with a mental illness should ever just bow their head and put up with it. I think here anger should be channeled into fighting the discrimination.
As for the pills, I love my meds and have ever since two weeks after they were first put in front of me. At first I pushed them away because the idea of needing them scared me. But they enable me to live my life. Slow Med trials and side effects are awful, but I think when it comes to that, it’s best to feel the frustration and then let it go. It could always be worse. But not to by any means diminish the burden that comes with the diagnosis of bipolar disorder. I was diagnosed Almost a decade ago, but I’m still coming to terms with it. My advice to others would be to try to learn everything you can about emotion from having and coping with the disorder. Everyone experiences emotions, and I certainly feel like I have greater insight into the people around me having had to learn to cope with the bipolar. It’s a huge burden to bear, and none of us did anything to deserve it. I will say though, I’ve found that anger, while it must be acknowledged and coped with, never takes me where I want to go, no matter how much I want it to. It only leads me astray, blindfolded the whole way.
Anger is one of my symptoms and it is so incredibly hard. My Meds stamped it all out though I’ll dwell on anger if something is deeply hurtful. To everyone who has the anger symptom of bipolar, know that you’re not alone. Don’t invalidate yourself, even when others around you may try to invalidate you and your feelings. Always just remember that you’re amazing. Each of us only has one life to live. We owe it to ourselves to keep going and get as much positive out of it as we can. Nobody should EVER feel embarrassed by their symptoms, EVER. I’ve found DBT to be very helpful, dialectical behavioral therapy. We also must never invalidate ourselves. We must all validate ourselves and each other.
I do think though that psychiatry is a field is bound to be imperfect. They can’t draw blood and make a diagnosis, they can’t do a brain scan or a blood test to determine the perfect medication or combination. That’s the hell of it I think. Always remember, it’s ok to be angry. No one must ever judge themselves for having emotions.
I’ve haven’t really experienced anger at psychiatry as a specialty, but I’ve experienced anger with certain therapists and psychiatrists. They are only as human as I am after all, but for some reason I always expected those who have chosen to specialize in psychiatry/psychology would have the capacity to at least empathize and validate our experiences. That’s unfortunately not always the case. In my journey so far I’ve had unfortunate experiences with some “professionals” who acted less than; but I’ve also had the pleasure of having some real great experiences as well; like with my current team.
And through my journey; I’ve had some unfortunate side effects from trying so many medications because some of those professionals refused to acknowledge my chronic pain, forcing me to take medications that pushed me as far as psychosis. From brain zaps to complete anhedonia, to my most unfortunate side effect of experiencing a rare neurological side effect called spasmodic dysphonia (my vocal folds spasm when I talk), to focal dystonias. It sucks to experience some of these irreversible side effects and I am still angry, but not at my psychiatrist or psychiatry. I am mad because I am mourning the changes, and it’s a process. I don’t know how long I will be, but regardless I am taking positive steps with my support network to work with the silver lining. I know what works and what doesn’t for myself, and I will advocate to get what I need despite my state. If I can’t for myself I know my team will for me until I can again.
I readily admit to being angry that it took countless appointments, and to be committed (yes, that, you must be a scary person) to a behavioal unit until, finally getting my Bipolar diagnosis. I am not angry with my psych doctors. I was angry to be diagnosed with bipolar. Not for a long time, but I needed to work at ridding myself of the anger with the help of my psych doctors. I believe it is a normal reaction to be angry at first. But, holding onto it does only harm to yourself. Acceptance is not easy, but necessary.
I’m not angry with the system at all. Never have been. I’m more frustrated with the fact that I’M very physically sensitive and resistant to the meds I’m tried on. After at least 25 different meds (and combos) we are still looking for ones that don’t make me have reactions (not the unpleasant side effects). I have to greatly rely on my my other tools and strategies to keep me to the point of where I am today. It is A LOT of hard work and struggling but I haven’t given up.
You probably already know this, since I’m a blowhard but I got tardive dyskinesia after a year of high dose Geodon, which I was switched to in order to lesson the metabolic problems (slowdown) I had with Seroquel, which I tolerated well, other than that. I was mad at Medicine in general for treating me like the ‘hot potato,’ where people did not want to even attempt to treat me, no matter if they were other psychiatrists, neurologists, regular doctors whatever. I endured at least fifteen fruitless appointments and sexisim, stigma, labeling etc before Googling a specialty clinic hundreds of miles away from me in Gainesville. See, not all movement disorder specialist neuros particularly wish to treat the mentally ill, partly because we can’t just ‘stop’ taking the medication causing the problem.
As much as meds can be hell, I’ve come to accept them as the lesser of two evils. Without any meds, my life is ruled by my bipolar. With the meds, at least I have some stability. I’ve had all the awful side effects and the hell of trying med after med to no avail. I’ve been at this 19 years. I think one has to be proactive in dealing with pdocs. I’ve left a few, and that’s okay. Nobody is going to like every doctor. We have to find the one that fits with us. I do get furious at having bipolar, but I just don’t want bipolar to truly have me.
I really like what you wrote. I was diagnosed 16 years ago. I really do have a compassionate, knowledgeable psychiatrist and have had him for the last 10 years. Believe me, it is worth “doctor shopping” until you find a decent one.
I also have a rare kidney disease. I have had urologists and nephrologists that were dismissive of the pain I was in and of the side effects of the medications they prescribed. I am part of a facebook group of other people with the same disease and a good ER doctor or urologist is rare. We keep a file of the good ones for everyone else in our group.
Recommendations from other people are the best way to find a really good dr.
I’d like to follow your blog and find that facebook group., Is it limited to kidney disease? I got two side effects that are bad-Tardive Dyskinesia (after a year of high dose Geodon and where my vlogs are almost all the comments are Geodon and Abilify to a smaller extent.
my email bipolarbrainiacSFL@hotmail.com
I have the same psychiatrist for sixteen years and I’ve gotten at least fifteen second opinions in the course of dealing with side effects.
Check out the Edgar Cayce Castor Oil Pack to take the load of your liver and kidneys….part of kidney problem is spillover from a liver that’s overworked. Same with Pancreas.
Than what is the point at being angry at other things than psychiatry that help people – aka supplements, spirituality, yoga, meditation and whatnot? Or peer support?
Um no… some of the things that happen to psych patients are not fault of their “illness” but fault of their prescribing doctors and the medications. Bipolar doesn’t make you fat and slown down, bipolar doesn’t give you numerous of the side effects the drugs have….
Funny how the only positive things you post are “psychiatry <3" and "meds <3" and are just angry about everything else…. One has to wonder.
Hi VenusH,
One has to wonder why you keep reading anger into everything. An opinion, even a passionate one, is not anger.
– Natasha Tracy
Well, some should go for “anger” at psychiatry too, then… if you had a shrink that had no empathy and dismissed the side effects of your meds… then your anger at him was not disguised anger at your bipolar…. but warning signal there is something wrong. I just find it strange you dismiss a criticism of psychiatry as pointless, only hurting yourself…. but express opinions that come off as angry towards other coping mechanisms (no way “talking to the sky” and “God made you bipolar” is any less angrier than “meds never worked for me and don’t work for many”).
I don’t consider anger a bad thing. Anger makes us act. If I was not angry, I couldn’t do my political activism. I would just go “well, Crimea is nice place, so no wonder Putin wanted it, it’s how I want nice shoes when I see them, no reason to be angry, pop some pills, drink a little, meditate, distract (like most of the population does when it comes to issues that really matter).”
Being mad at psychiatry may not be helpful, but I think many individual psychiatrists are worthy of scorn if not worse. The arrogant ones who don’t listen, who decide in the first 30 seconds what your diagnosis is, who don’t have any grasp of their own limitations, and who if you don’t know better you listen to because they are the experts.
I’m hoping it’s just my familiarity with psychiatry and that, while I’ve had experience with good and bad docs in other specialties, the variability between different doctors in a specialty seems nowhere close to what you get in psychiatry.
If you don’t know about the variability, don’t know to ask or aren’t able to see someone else, it’s understandable that many people get pissed off at psychiatry as a whole.
No. All antipsychiatry people are trying to do is free themselves and others. You are defending a profession that needs no defense.
Thanks again for sharing your thoughts. I agree that I am angry at my bipolar diagnosis and that it manifests itself as very self destructive behavior, including anger at psychiatry and fear and loathing of medications and procedures. For me, I seem to try to be running away from myself and am embarrassed by my inability to control my anger outbursts
I guess I want good coping skills, but I don’t know how to acquire them. So I fight and flee.
Hi Edde,
I appreciate your comment.
As for coming skills, I’m a logic girl. I realize not everyone is, but I feel it’s one of the best coping skills you can develop to deal with any mental illness. I’ve written about it here, if you’re interested: https://staging.natashatracy.com/bipolar-disorder/coping-bipolar-emotions-logic/
Of course, that is not the be-all-and-end-all of coping skills, but it’s the primary one that works for me. Therapy can give you many more.
– Natasha Tracy
Hi Natasha, Thanks so much for the logical coping strategy link. It makes so much sense and describes me to a T. I must begin better self talk, because my self talk is negative and upper case EMOTIONAL. In other words a bad habit. I am committed to learning to be more logical.
The best way to let go of irrational anger is to accept it, to give ourselves permission to feel it fully. If we say “I’m so stupid to feel this way” and we fight against it, that is precisely the way to make sure we are saddled with it for longer. Attempting to repress anger makes it more likely that we will be unable to stop ourselves from acting on it inappropriately.
Unfortunately, I think it is not widely enough acknowledged that the way to rid ourselves of negative feelings is to stop fighting against them.