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I’m on Twitter. Not a surprise there. And I have a pretty active following there. Most of the people are fans, but a few aren’t. A few quite disagree with me and what I have to say. Which is fine. People can have their views.
And recently, I was tweeting along, minding my own business when someone said this to me:
and have you been on antidepressant, mind altering drugs all these years. Making choices while under the influence
My first reflex was to reply,
and have you been making choices all this time while being an ignorant, sanctimonious ass?
Sigh.
But I’ve heard through the grapevine that wouldn’t be professional. So I said nothing. If Mr. Twitter wants to judge me for taking medically prescribed medication, that’s his right. Even if it is a small-minded, uncompassionate, hateful thing to do.
And really, I have snarky answers for many of the asinine comments people make to me. However, I don’t tend to share them as it makes people all pissy. That being said, this particular comment hit a sore spot – being under the influence of brain-bending medications.
Seeing the World through an Antidepressant HazeThe first drug I ever took was an antidepressant and I can tell you, I was terrified. I didn’t want to do it. Not at all. But I was desperate and on the verge of suicide so I chose to try an antidepressant.
And one of my biggest fears was of not knowing what “reality” was anymore. My fear was that I would never again be able to think like “me” and I would only ever be able to think like the drug, like an alcoholic or other drug addict does. I thought I would be just like them.
And certainly, there have been many times when my thoughts were tainted with drugs. But I can say, without a doubt, that when you compare bipolar tainting my thoughts versus medication tainting my thoughts the bipolar is far more pervasive and destructive. I’m not a drug addict or anything like it. My tainted-thought worry was just my fear talking. (And reasonably so.)
And now I can honestly say, after being on almost every medication known to, well, me, that medication does not drown out or taint your thoughts when properly used. Yes, there is certainly a period of adjustment when you take a drug and you might feel “slow and stupid” during that time. And certainly, if it isn’t the right drug or the right dose for you, that feeling might continue. But this still does not change your thoughts, per se, and this is merely a side effect that can typically be resolved with medication adjustment.
In all, Mr. Twitter is simply using a scare tactic based on misinformation to make me feel bad about myself and my ability to think. But I will not feel bad and my ability to think runs circles around most people, thanks. Yes, Mr. Twitter found my sore spot, but he, and my fears, can’t bruise me if I don’t let them. I have reality backing me and it’s more powerful than fear.
Natasha Tracy is an award-winning writer, speaker, advocate, and consultant from the Pacific Northwest. She has been living with bipolar disorder for 26 years and has written more than 2000 articles on the subject.
Find more of Natasha’s work in her acclaimed book: "Lost Marbles: Insights into My Life with Depression & Bipolar" on Amazon.
Connect with Natasha at the social media links below.
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I was diagnosed this year, so I am a newb but I will say this for you haven’t seen mind bending until I have forgotten to take Lithium for a day or two. It has only happened twice but I promised my gorgeous and long suffering wife I will never do that again. I have enjoyed reading the articles, because I am fairly limited on whom I can speak with about the trials and tribulations. I am certainly not going bring it up to a patient either.
Thanks and keep up the good work.
I have taken medications for bipolar disorder for about 25 years. I am finally taking medication that seems appropriate for me and does not leave me feeling “slow and stupid”. But, even when I was more heavily medicated, that state was preferable to having hallucinations, paranoia, and delusions. I am so thankful for my mental health and for the medications that helped me achieve it even though I was overmedicated for many years. I finally found a good psychiatrist and a good therapist and made progress in my recovery so that I now need less medication, but I probably never would have taken those steps if I hadn’t been diagnosed and started taking medication in the first place. It is hard to know what would have happened…but I definitely wasn’t heading in a good direction.
HI what med works for you? I’m sure my 13yr old son has “ANGRY” bipolar….very destructive..afraid to medicate him because it won’t go the right direction…
Again, another well written and perceptive article from someone who really knows what it’s like to be on the inside with bipolar disorder. I salute you Natasha. It’s a particularly insidious area this as people who have the opinion that mental health medications are ‘mind-bending’ and just plain wrong can and do infuence people to stop taking their meds. Thus creating real suffering in our community. It’s just not acceptable.
I don’t think if I can help it. The crap that runs through my head would titillate S. King. I do solve problems and look for beauty through the lens of a camera. People who think to much are a bore and usually are the first ones to fall victim to mental illness. Don’t agree? Hey, I’m not sure from moment to moment if what I think is real – on or off drugs. In the end none of this really matters because happy people get depressed too and they don’t take drugs; or do they?
I just want to thank you for bringing light into the dark room of mental illness and specifically bipolar disorder. Your articles encourage me and enlighten me. I’ve also used some of your articles to help others understand as well…
Thank you again so very much…
When my first boyfriend long long ago refused to ask me out incase it was ths tablets talking. *Sigh* Passable back then but you cant excuse it for naiviety anymore.
You go girl! Taking the high road is definitely a difficult thing to do but a wise decision because as you know, it only starts a social media war that never ends. I take medication on a regular basis for my “mental illnesses” and I completely agree with you. I thought it would alter my thinking as well but instead it made me, well, me again. I thank my higher power for modern medicine that helps keep me sane and not harming myself anymore.
I am a huge fan of your work and you constantly find ways to inform and inspire me. So, thank you for being you. Till next time.
Big hugs,
Kimmy from Texas =D
Thanks for sharing Nathasha. I think you say what we all think!
Great, as usual! I swiped your post here (W/ linkage back here, of course) & titled it “So many “experts”, so little time to smack them all. ; ) Reminded me of a Psych class where we coined the term “Smack Therapy”…
“and have you been making choices all this time while being an ignorant, sanctimonious ass?” I like this response better :)
But seriously, nice rebuttal.
Natasha,
Very well said. Saying you can’t make decisions while on psycotropic medication is like saying you can’t make a decision while driving a car. One has nothing to do with the other. Do these pill pundits not understand bipolar medications do not have the same ingredients as narcotics? You can’t grind them up like Oxycontin and snort them to get high? If you overdose on them you won’t get happy, you’ll get dead.
Sorry, Mr. Twitter struck a nerve.
The way I put it is this, “There is a difference between taking a mostly healthy, working brain and using street drugs to break it, on purpose, for fun versus taking a brain with a medically diagnosed genetic illness–a broken brain–and taking a specific dose of specific medicines prescribed by a doctor, under the ongoing medical supervision of that doctor, for the purpose of making that brain work more like a healthy brain. I’m really sorry you can’t see the difference between gangland drug-dealing thugs and licensed, board-certified medical specialists.”
Very well put Julie. Thank-you for sharing.
– Natasha Tracy
Enjoyed your observations on medications. I ‘m just aware that the antidepressants and other psychiatric medications (except benzos and dpeed) don’t have a street value whereas just about everything that alters consciousness or reality does.
Hi William,
Those types of medications do occasionally have illicit uses (I won’t mention them here) but yes, in general, they are not highly sought after.
– Natasha Tracy
Having taken psych meds, off and on, since age 10 (started with Compazine of all things)… there have been times that things were said – or “mis-said” because of the drug, and/or drug, I was taking at any particular time. Same with choices, decisions, etc… I lost a significant amount of money once, while on Thorazine, back in 1995.. to this day, I still have no idea where it went.. it’s always bothered me.. being poor, even $800 is significant.
Yet… any medication you take for any illness, be it Diabetes, Heart, Parkinson’s, etc.. is going to have an affect and effect upon your brain chemistry, as it does with whatever is supposedly causing your particular malady. You add in what we take in on a daily basis; caffeine, nicotene, air pollutants, SUGAR, aspartamine, etc… and everything has an affect and effect.
Prolonged stress, trauma, arguments, fight with the cat even… raises the chemicals in the brain – raises the electrical activity – alters and changes and re-loops, just memory-feeling-smell, etc…
Really… life alters the brain and the brain alters life.
HI Tabby,
I’m sorry to hear about that issue on Thorazine. That’s a nasty one, to be sure. I would suggest that if that was your reaction to the medication it probably wasn’t the right medication for you (said Ms. Obvious).
You are right though, life alters the brain and the brain alters life, no doubt about that, but I would suggest that people on proper medication have the same ability to think as everyone else.
– Natasha Tracy
I read this and as usual amazingly written, and handled!! In my 20’s my dad wanted to talk to me. When he showed up asked if i was on drugs. This shocked and confused me because I have never been one to play around with drugs. So I corrected him, I’m on medication..NOT drugs. He argued me, telling me i wasn’t sober.Somehow my words weren’t my own. I was so in shock i didn’t have an argument, and he’s not the type you argue anyways. Unfortunately this was one of those times where 200mg of antidepressant with no mood stabilizer equaled a psychotic break a couple days later, and an “I told you so”. Well many years later, he still says it. Despite my returning to school and maintaining a 4.0 thus far. Had to take a semester off for health and depression, but that’s okay i know returning in the fall. Without the meds i have no drive, i can’t get up for my children, i cry, and i vowed years ago my kids may have a bipolar mother but i will treat it and make the effort to fight. For me that is treatment!! Thank you for this, keep up the amazing job you do!
Hi Justina,
I’m sorry to hear that happened at, what sounds like, a pretty young age. That’s a tough one. I had to wait years for my mother to accept my medication too, so you’re not alone in that.
But good on you that you’ve vowed to treat your illness whether it’s for your kids or not. That’s a great vow to make. We all need it.
And you’re welcome, of course.
– Natasha Tracy
Thank you so much for writing this.
People don’t understand that medications help us be who we always have been…minis all the crap that bipolar disorder stirs.
They help us not change us…and certainly does not impair how we function…unlike the “trial periods” of new medication/dose etc.
I wish people understood this.
Hi Natasha,
How can I email you about a situation involving bipolar? I went to your contact link but I can’t find a specific email address listed. Thank you.
Hi Amy, that was right :) I got your message. I will respond shortly.
– Natasha Tracy
The thing is, I read too many people say things like “my husband was ass to me again,but today, I did not mind and did not fight back, My medication is finally working”. And I am not exaggerating.
I do think psych drugs are in fact… mind altering drugs. No “vitamins for brain” and “correcting imbalances” (that theory has been disproved even by psychiatric community). Well, so what? It’s all good as long as you use them correctly. I think this goes for all mind altering substances, not just the “proper” ones advertised on TV, but also the one that we are taught to frown upon.
You can take mind altering substances to take the edge off and to live your life for the better. Or you can take them so that you don’t mind your life sucks.
It depends. It would be nice if people didn’t have to defend what they put in their bodies (or what they don’t put in there for the matter).
Hi VenusH,
There is no doubt that some people use drugs well while others use them poorly and certainly I’m not for anyone sticking around in unhappy lives because of drugs (although, in my experience this doesn’t happen as an unhappy life will make you unhappy no matter what). It’s really the “happy” drugs that make people stay in bad situations. And those are the commonly abused drugs like alcohol.
– Natasha Tracy
Hi Natasha,
I was diagnosed with Clinical depression many years ago. I have been on antidepressants for most of my adult life (I am 47 now). I can honestly say that my medication has saved my life. I don’t feel tainted by a haze of drugs. I have my ups and downs, as does everyone else. What I would say, though, is that my medication has helped stabilize my mood and bring clarity of thought. I think people like the Tweeter you mentioned are ignorant about mental illness and the medications used to treat it. The fact is, depression is an illness that affects the chemical make up of the brain. It is a physical illness, just as diabetes is a physical illness. The fact is, any medication we take affects our bodies. In my case, when I started on anti depressants, it took over a year of trying various ones to get the right one and right dosage. If you have tried different ones, don’t give up!
Hmmm … next time some tw@t-er sends you a message like that, re-tweet it. I’m sure your supporters will be only too delighted to stamp on them! :¬)
Hi Harryf200,
Oh, I agree with you, if I retweeted it people would jump all over the person, but I don’t want or need that. I think that just brings attention to the twit in question and ticks people off. I’m not a fan of starting flame wars. No need to rile people up over one twit.
– Natasha Tracy
You’re quite right, of course, but when I’m in “one of THOSE” moods, I’m ready to fight anyone who attacks people I like … that’s the hypomania comin’ through! :¬)
That’s a great post. Hope you don’t run into more Twitter twits.
Hi Jeff,
Oh gosh, there are more Twitter twits than you can shake a stick at but Twitter has this great feature – “block user.” :)
– Natasha Tracy
Thank you for this Post. I need advice concerning medication, anti depressant, mood stabilizers and tranquilizers. I need someone who tried them, not my doctor who knows nothing about it. After being on all those and very high dosage, I decided to stop everything without medical advice and I did. I know I need them, but I need first to talk about it with someone who knows
Nikky44,
Contact me with specific details about your situation and what you’re looking for and I’ll see if I can help: https://staging.natashatracy.com/about-natasha-tracy/contact-natasha-tracy/
– Natasha Tracy
Thank you very much. I will try to email you or send you an inbox message on facebook (Nicole lacolle)
Right on. Excellent response.
Hi Stephanie,
Thanks, I appreciate that.
– Natasha Tracy
Perfectly, wonderfully well said, as always.
Hello Madam,
That’s generous of you. Thanks. :)
– Natasha Tracy